DEALING WITH THE CAUSE OF INSOMNIA: SOMEONE TO TALK TO
Whether you suffer from anxiety depression or some other form of unhappiness, there's an awful lot you can do to help yourself, but that doesn't mean that you have to do it all yourself. Bottling up your feelings inside keeps them on the churn. Just talking with someone who's sympathetic but objective can release some of that bottled-up energy.
Friends and partners can be a great support, but sometimes people who know you well try to cheer you up or change the subject, when what you really want is a listening, receptive ear. Friends and relations can also feel uncomfortable when they hear you aren't happy, and may tell you that of course you don't really feel that way, and all you need to do is to pull yourself together. This is not helpful. Sometimes, of course, they are the cause of your problems, and you find it hard to tell them what's on your mind.
Don't be embarrassed about seeking help from a counsellor or psychotherapist, or feel there's something shameful about needing such help. There really isn't. After all, nobody feels embarrassed at consulting an expert about their finances or buying a new car. Why should you worry about seeing an expert on that priceless item, your emotional health? Getting help in order to help yourself is a much healthier option than staying miserable.
Many personal problems can be helped by short-term counselling. There are cases when psychotherapy can be helpful, when the person hasn't got over traumatic childhood events, for instance. Some people feel that seeing a psychotherapist may be opening a whole can of worms, and they'd rather not, thank you. But if you are sitting on a can of worms, really it's better out than in! Otherwise they simply go on niggling at you.
Psychotherapy doesn't necessarily mean years of delving into the painful past. It's true that how we deal with life and relate to other people is affected by our past. But the purpose of psychotherapy is to change our reactions in the present. (Some psychotherapists and natural practitioners use a technique called Voice Dialogue, which enables all those inner voices to be heard, which in itself can alter your perceptions of yourself, and is also fun.)
Nor will you be putting yourself in the hands of someone who'll take over your life and tell you what to do. A good counsellor or therapist will accept you as you are, for who you are, and listen to you in a way that people who are involved with you may not be able to. Being really heard will help you to listen to yourself and understand yourself in a new way. As you begin to unburden your mind of problems, you can begin to find your own solutions.
That said, the field of psychotherapists and counsellors contains both good therapists and bad. I have heard complaints that some psychotherapists do keep their clients in a subservient role, putting them in the wrong or making them feel inadequate. If you start therapy with anyone like this, just leave. These people are also quite skilled at making you feel guilty when you announce you are leaving; don't let them. It's your life, and a therapist's job is to make you feel more whole, not smaller.
How do you set about finding this kind of help? Here are some of the sources you could try:
Your doctor:
Some GPs are very aware of the value of counselling, and are good at it themselves when they have the time. Some are in touch with local counselling services to whom they can refer you. They can also refer you to psychiatrists or clinical psychologists within the National Health Service.
Other doctors, alas, are less clued up; you can still ask them to get you an appointment with your local hospital psychiatric or psychological medicine department.
Psychiatrists:
They have a medical training and can prescribe drugs if they feel it necessary, which isn't always the case. To a normally anxious person, for example, some may recommend relaxation training, or meditation. Some may refer you on to a psychologist; some have themselves taken additional trainings in subjects like hypnotherapy or psychotherapy.
Anti-DepressantThey work within the NHS and are not doctors, but are trained in helping with emotional problems. They may have a number of techniques to offer, from practical advice to psychotherapy. A popular form of therapy these days is cognitive therapy, aimed at helping people to change a negative self-image by identifying and changing the ways you talk to yourself (along the lines suggested in the previous chapters).
Unfortunately, there are not too many clinical psychologists around; there are only some 1800-2000 in the country. Whether you can get a speedy appointment depends on their availability in your part of the country; in some areas there is a one-year waiting list. But it's worth trying.
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