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STRESS AND MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN: COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS AND STAGE THREE BREAKDOWN
In stage three stress breakdown, the over-stressed person is no longer capable of not responding to things he learned to not respond to. Stage three symptoms also include a switching-off response to big problems and worries, while the person continues to respond normally to lesser problems. The result of these two symptoms is to produce a real communication problem. This is true enough if just one of the couple is suffering from stress symptoms, but if both are suffering, as is usually the case, communication becomes very difficult.
In our normal pattern of communicating our feelings and ideas, it is often what we avoid saying that is the real communication. For example, ‘She pointedly didn’t mention making out a new will’, might well mean that the lady in question is communicating to a relative whom she had previously blackmailed with the threat of exclusion from the estate, that all is forgiven. Not saying something when a person might be expected to say something could be a very significant communication in itself.
Meaningful pauses, facial expressions and tone of voice are very important in conveying meaning in spoken language. It is entirely possible to have someone deliver a whole speech on a particular topic and convey something totally different, just by altering the emphasis: overstating the case here, understating it there, etc.
Under conditions of breakdown the ability to respond to tonal communication and to communicate by significant restraint is lost. Many couples under stress complain of not being able to communicate with each other. This complaint is a common reason for referral to marriage counseling agencies. However, it is important to realize that two people who have been getting on well for years don’t just lose the ability to communicate without a particular reason. Stress breakdown is a major cause; it is very important to identify stress breakdown early because quite often, joint interviews aimed at improving communication between husband and wife might just put more stress on either or both, and worsen their already over-strained relationship.
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