Macrobid (Nitrofurantoin)

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Other names: Furadantin, Macrodantin
Macrobid (Nitrofurantoin)
RULES ABOUT FAMILY LIFE: AS CHILDREN GROW UP THEY NEED LESS PARENTAL ATTENTION AND CARE
Sociologists Joseph Kuypers and Vern Bengston offer a deeper analysis of why adult child/aging parent relationships can be so troublesome. There are unspoken rules about family life that parents and children tend to violate periodically as they live together for decades as adults.
New parents are happy to be on call twenty-four hours a day to an infant or a toddler, in part because they know the overwhelming demands will gradually lessen. Children grow up. The amount that must be given wanes over the years. When children become adults, they leave and parents can remake their own lives.
But though the normal order is toward less and less involvement, adult children sometimes want parents to give more in times of need. Side by side with the expectation that parental giving will wane is the idea that parents should always put their children first. So, children often feel hurt when they ask for help and sense that their parents are unwilling. The older generation feels different: “I no longer have to drop everything at my child’s whim. The time is over when his needs always take precedence.”
I wanted to spend my Easter vacation in Florida with Mom and Dad. When I called to make arrangements, my mother said an old friend was visiting that week. We don’t get to see one another that often. It would be hard to come at another time, and shouldn’t a son always come first over a friend? I’m not being childish or demanding as she seems to feel. Parents should always put their children first.
Arguments about priorities are most likely to flare up over nonessential requests: “Will you baby-sit on Friday?” “Can I use your pool next week?” In a crisis, when a child genuinely must have help, the issue is clearer. Most parents want to step in and give everything. The problem is when to step out. How long should parents give “excessively”?
For instance, suppose your son leaves for college, graduates, and then moves back in temporarily until he can find a job. The temporary arrangement becomes permanent. The weeks slide into months. You feel put upon but guilty. True, he is making some money now, but not really enough to live well. Yes, I want to be alone with my husband, but I would feel terrible kicking my own child out. Then imagine the guilt if your child is also in real emotional pain -for instance, after a divorce.
Colleen Johnson of the University of California interviewed middle-class San Francisco area women whose children had recently been divorced. She found that the demands on these women were heavy but that they rose to the occasion, serving as baby-sitters to the grandchildren, welcoming a suddenly single son back home. Still, many were resentful at being saddled with unexpected parental obligations at this time of life.
After my daughter was divorced she moved in with the children, who are now eight and five. My husband has a heart condition. The children get on his nerves. We are upset at having a family to care for in our old age. Joanne feels different. She says it’s my job to take her in for as long as it takes her to get on her feet. I don’t know how to reconcile the conflict; either I suffer under a burden that has no end, or I feel terrible for not reaching out to a child in need.
What are some answers to this dilemma? Let’s hold off on solutions until after describing the next two family rules. They also involve negotiating how responsible parents and children should be for one another as adults.
*67/159/5*

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