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Other names: Baycip -TZ
Cipro (Ciprofloxacin)
CHILDREN AND PARENTS AS ADULTS
One gerontological truth flies in the face of a widespread belief is that children and their aging parents must be less close today than they used to be. Not so! In many ways the generations seem just as entwined now as they ever were.
In a set of studies done in 1957, 1963, and 1975, Ethel Shanas, now professor emeritus of sociology at the University of Illinois, compared how many times per week or month a large national sample of adult children and their elderly parents visited or called one another. Although we would expect the amount of contact to have markedly declined over this period, stretching from the Eisenhower fifties to the liberated seventies, there was little change. Children still lived close to their parents, over three-fourths within a half-hour drive. More than half had seen each other either that day or the day before. About four in five had visited within the past week. These statistics continue to apply in the late 1980s. Far from being a nation of isolated nuclear families, intense contact between adult children and their elderly parents is typical of American family life.
If parents live far away, they sometimes move closer to a child when they develop physical problems. This has become a measurable demographic trend. People who left their home states for a retirement home years earlier move back to be near their children when frailty strikes. Children, anxious about worrying from a distance about an ailing mother or father, often encourage the move. Or the push to be close may be a more positive one.
After my husband retired, we moved to Florida to be near my eighty-year-old mother. We were lured by the sunshine and by our fears for her health, and I missed her. I wanted to spend these last precious years close by. At first we had a trying time. I told her I’d go crazy if she kept calling to check in ten times a day. We were adult enough to work things out. Now, as mature ladies over sixty, we have the best of all mother/ daughter relationships: we are close friends.
Over the past twenty years, as study after study has shown it to be false, gerontologists have tried to dispel what they call ” the myth of family uninvolvement.” To their bewilderment, the idea that Americans are neglecting their elderly parents survives intact. (Because it will not die, Shanas has called it a Hydra-headed monster.) Why does this idea seem so right?
One reason is probably that nursing homes have become such obvious features on the American landscape. What else could the boom in nursing-home care mean but people shirking their duty to sick parents, washing their hands of an obligation willingly assumed by children in every generation past?
But the estimated 1.5 million older Americans now living in nursing homes mask a less visible fact. At least twice as many severely disabled older people do not live in institutions as live in nursing homes. These people are usually being cared for by their families, often at great personal cost. Studies show that nursing-home placement is something most families work strenuously to avoid. When a person has living sons or daughters, it frequently happens as a last resort, when the older person’s caretaker – frequently a daughter, sometimes elderly – becomes incapacitated herself.
Nursing homes are really a testament not to filial neglect, but to the historic increase in the number of the very old – people who need a level of care unparalleled in the past. Today aged parents may need help for years with dressing, bathing, or getting around. For this generation of children, honoring the obligation to physically (and financially) care for parents in their declining years can be an overwhelming task.
*61/159/5*

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