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NORMAL BEREAVEMENT: REMEMBERING MARRIAGE
Anyone who has a happy marriage is dependent. We open our hearts to need when we open them to love. But needing someone is very different from rushing into another’s arms out of fear. The people in this study who were rated as having dependent marriages used the relationship as a refuge from the world. Rather than a platform for full living, marriage was a cocoon for avoiding life. Unless they could find someone else to lean on after being widowed, they remained immersed in mourning – incapable of building a new life.
This makes sense, but why would an unhappy, conflict-ridden marriage produce a more rocky, prolonged bereavement? Wouldn’t losing someone you really loved produce a more yawning emotional gap? This description from my aunt, Frances Sheerr, offers clues.
I married Stanley when we were young. We were together for more than forty years. I still miss him terribly, but I’m getting along. He taught me to feel strongly that what you give is what you get. Because we were fulfilled in each other, we could be generous. It was important to him to be affectionate and considerate, to tell me continually how wonderful I was. I naturally found myself doing the same with other people I cared about. Throughout this year my friends have stuck close. My children value my company and want me around. And because our marriage was so good, I miss him terribly but am not eaten up by regret. The happiness we found in each other offered me a legacy crucial to withstanding this tragedy: loving children and caring friends.
Because it strengthens us as people, a loving marriage may paradoxically help us remake an independent life after a husband or wife dies. And because love is infectious, a happy marriage may leave us richer in confidants to soften the blow. However, someone who loses a spouse who was more devil than saint enters widowhood weakened and battle scarred. The marriage was far from wonderful; death may even bring a feeling of liberation. At the same time, seeing the marriage as having meaning may be important to achieving closure and going on. But the widowed person remains stymied by the truth, perhaps wracked with resentment and guilt about these feelings. The intense anger and guilt spell depression – a pathological mourning response.
When loved ones die there is a natural impulse to award them a halo, epitomized by the injunction “Don’t speak ill of the dead.” While the difficulty of doing this causes problems for survivors of unhappy marriages, it can compound grieving after the most loving unions too. For instance, a man may have adored his wife for her gentle spirit but hated the way she always left the house a mess. After her death he may seethe with self-hate when he feels relieved at walking into a clean house. But he is wrong in feeling that his emotion is “bad” or that it subtracts from the love that was there. No human being is an angel. The best memorial to someone we love lies in remembering the real person who lived.
*99/159/5*

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SPECIAL VITAMIN NEEDS FOR SMOKERS, DRINKERS AND TV WATCHERS
Smokers
Every cigarette you smoke destroys about 25 mg. of vitamin Ў Also, lung cancer risk aside; you’re more prone to cardiovascular and pulmonary disorders than nonsmokers. Without going into the long list of deleterious effects cigarettes can have, I feel confident in telling smokers that they need all the nutritional help they can get, especially from antioxidants such as vitamins A, C, E, and selenium.
nsp
Vitamin C, 2,000 mg. a.m. and p.m.
Vitamin E, 400-1,000 IU daily
Selenium, 50 mcg. 1-3 times daily
Vitamin A, 10,000 IU daily
Drinkers
Alcoholism is the chief cause of vitamin deficiency among civilized people with ample food supplies. If you’re a heavy drinker, the alcohol you consume usually takes the place of needed protein, or, in some cases, prevents absorption or proper storage of ingested vitamins.
nsp
’ complex, 100 mg. twice daily [especially needed are B1, B6, and folic acid]
Excessive TV Watchers
Just because you spend a lot of time relaxing in front of your set doesn’t mean you’re not in need of extra vitamins. For the eyestrain it’s more than likely that you need additional vitamin A. And if you rarely get to see the light of day, you might need vitamin D also.
nsp
Vitamin A, 10,000 IU with breakfast
Vitamin D, 400 IU 5 days a week if necessary.
*75/134/5*

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VITAMINS: CAUTIONS YOU SHOULD KNOW
Niacin should be used cautiously by anyone with severe diabetes, glaucoma, peptic ulcers, or with impaired liver function.
Do not give niacin to your dog or cat; it causes flushing and sweating and greatly discomforts the animal. Do not supplement a pet’s diet with vitamins A or D unless your vet specifically advises it.
Excessive amounts of PABA [Para-amino-benzoic acid] in certain individuals can have a negative effect on the liver, kidneys, and heart.
Iron should not be taken by anyone with sickle-cell anemia, haemochromatosis, or thalasaemia.
If your iron supplement is ferrous sulphate, you’re losing vitamin E.
Large quantities of caffeine can inhibit iron absorption.
Anyone with kidney malfunction should not take more than 300 mg. of magnesium on a daily basis.
Too much manganese will reduce utilization of the body’s iron.
High doses of manganese can cause motor difficulties and weakness in certain individuals.
Diets high in fat increase phosphorus absorption and lower your calcium levels.
If you take cortisone and aldosterone drugs, you lose potassium and retain sodium. Check with your physician for proper supplements.
Excessive perspiration can cause a depletion of sodium.
Too much sodium can cause a potassium loss.
Excessive zinc intakes can result in iron and copper losses.
If you add zinc to your diet, be sure you’re getting enough vitamin A.
Anyone suffering from Wilson’s disease is susceptible to copper toxicity.
Too much cobalt may cause an unwanted enlargement of the thyroid gland.
Anyone taking thyroid medication should be aware that kelp also affects that gland. If you have been using both, a consultation with your doctor and retesting are advised. You might need less prescription medicine than you think.
Large amounts of raw cabbage can cause an iodine deficiency and throw off thyroid production in individuals with existing low-iodine intakes.
Milk that contains synthetic vitamin D can deplete the body of magnesium.
Heavy coffee and tea drinkers – cola drinkers, too Ђ“ should be aware that large caffeine ingestion creates an inositol shortage.
Inform your doctor if you’re taking large amounts of vitamin Ў. Ў can change results of lab tests for sugar in the blood and urine and give false negative results in tests for blood in stool specimens.
Don’t engage in strenuous physical activity without four hours after taking vitamin A if you want optimum absorption.
Copper has a tendency to accumulate in the blood and deplete the brain’s zinc supplies.
Tryptophan should not be taken with protein; use juice or water to swallow tablets, not milk.
*65/134/5*

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Other names: Baycip -TZ

CHILDREN AND PARENTS AS ADULTS
One gerontological truth flies in the face of a widespread belief is that children and their aging parents must be less close today than they used to be. Not so! In many ways the generations seem just as entwined now as they ever were.
In a set of studies done in 1957, 1963, and 1975, Ethel Shanas, now professor emeritus of sociology at the University of Illinois, compared how many times per week or month a large national sample of adult children and their elderly parents visited or called one another. Although we would expect the amount of contact to have markedly declined over this period, stretching from the Eisenhower fifties to the liberated seventies, there was little change. Children still lived close to their parents, over three-fourths within a half-hour drive. More than half had seen each other either that day or the day before. About four in five had visited within the past week. These statistics continue to apply in the late 1980s. Far from being a nation of isolated nuclear families, intense contact between adult children and their elderly parents is typical of American family life.
If parents live far away, they sometimes move closer to a child when they develop physical problems. This has become a measurable demographic trend. People who left their home states for a retirement home years earlier move back to be near their children when frailty strikes. Children, anxious about worrying from a distance about an ailing mother or father, often encourage the move. Or the push to be close may be a more positive one.
After my husband retired, we moved to Florida to be near my eighty-year-old mother. We were lured by the sunshine and by our fears for her health, and I missed her. I wanted to spend these last precious years close by. At first we had a trying time. I told her I’d go crazy if she kept calling to check in ten times a day. We were adult enough to work things out. Now, as mature ladies over sixty, we have the best of all mother/ daughter relationships: we are close friends.
Over the past twenty years, as study after study has shown it to be false, gerontologists have tried to dispel what they call ” the myth of family uninvolvement.” To their bewilderment, the idea that Americans are neglecting their elderly parents survives intact. (Because it will not die, Shanas has called it a Hydra-headed monster.) Why does this idea seem so right?
One reason is probably that nursing homes have become such obvious features on the American landscape. What else could the boom in nursing-home care mean but people shirking their duty to sick parents, washing their hands of an obligation willingly assumed by children in every generation past?
But the estimated 1.5 million older Americans now living in nursing homes mask a less visible fact. At least twice as many severely disabled older people do not live in institutions as live in nursing homes. These people are usually being cared for by their families, often at great personal cost. Studies show that nursing-home placement is something most families work strenuously to avoid. When a person has living sons or daughters, it frequently happens as a last resort, when the older person’s caretaker – frequently a daughter, sometimes elderly – becomes incapacitated herself.
Nursing homes are really a testament not to filial neglect, but to the historic increase in the number of the very old – people who need a level of care unparalleled in the past. Today aged parents may need help for years with dressing, bathing, or getting around. For this generation of children, honoring the obligation to physically (and financially) care for parents in their declining years can be an overwhelming task.
*61/159/5*

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IMPLICATIONS FOR GETTING ALONG: COMMUNICATING YOUR PLAN CLEARLY
Then diplomatically tell both your relative and other family members exactly what you have decided: ”I will help with A, B, and C, but I cannot do X, Y, and Z”; “I can baby-sit every Saturday and in emergencies, but not every time you go out”; “I’m thrilled to have you stay here, but I expect you to find your own place by April 1.”’ Having a clear shared understanding and a structured commitment minimizes the resentment predictable with an open-ended arrangement. If whether and when you visit is up in the air, Mom will wonder every day if you are coming. She will be upset when she makes her morning call and you “reject” her by saying you have other plans. You, in turn, will feel continually pressured-guilty when you say “not today,” put upon by an obligation that has to seem excessive just because it is always there.
If your limit is less than the person wants, explain why it is impossible for you to do more. If you are sharing the helping with several other family members, explain the reasons for your limit to each of them individually. Rather than leaving people in the dark and risking being labeled ungiving, let everyone know why your other obligations make it impossible to do more.
If the price of sticking to your set point is just ill feeling, be open to change. If your ninety-four-year-old mother would like you to visit twice a week, reconsider your once-a-week maximum if she is deeply upset about your not being there the extra day. Maybe a compromise would work. You might come two mornings a week rather than one full day. If your sister accuses you of dumping your responsibility for Dad on her because you live far away and she lives close by, stifle your impulse to slam down the phone. Be sisterly. You cannot be on the spot to help, but perhaps every few months you could bring Dad for extended vacations at your house. Negotiate, keeping your eye on what is important. Sometimes it is better to do more than we want in order to preserve our family’s love and our good feelings about ourselves for years to come.
*71/159/5*

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FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS: GRANDPARENTS
Being a grandparent is different from practically every other relationship we have in life. Normally we are loved for our achievements, the content of what we do. Grandparents are important in a way that overshadows the calls, the visits, or the presents. They are loved for a more elusive quality – just being Grandma or Grandpa.
My three-year-old son sees my mother only every six months. He hardly speaks to her at all. But when he feels bad (or angry at us), he calls wildly for her. Her distant involvement doesn’t matter. She is everything to him just because she is his grandma-not anything else.
Gerontologist Lillian Troll calls grandparents “the family watchdogs.” Even though they normally stand in the wings, they are poised to step forward in a crisis. Grandchildren sense their crucial value early on. They are the family safety net. A good example is when a daughter with children is going through a divorce. In this crisis even distant grandparents often become heavily involved; they visit, comfort, take the grandchildren more often. Their shrouded importance is illuminated, their hidden value clear.
Grandparents also help their grandchildren by helping their daughters and sons. In reviewing the research, Gunhild Hagestad of Northwestern University cites a study showing that if a young mother was close to her mother, she felt more at ease and more competent being a mother herself. In other words, grandparents help their grandchildren by helping their children become better parents.
My daughter Sara, who lives in Michigan, is giving birth in September and I’m flying there to help. Though I’ve forgotten almost everything about new babies myself, we’ll both be there to muddle through. I hope my presence will make her less anxious and get her off to a good start. Even though I’m nervous about being called in as “the expert,” I can’t wait!
Grandparents also can be family mediators, helping parents and children resolve their differences. Hagestad describes a study showing that adolescent girls often took their troubles with Mom to Grandma. These grandmothers had unique leverage. Not only were they a shoulder to cry on, but they helped smooth over the conflict by gently interpreting the parent’s point of view to the child.
Grandparents are the family cement; the glue that keeps the extended family close; the reason sisters and brothers come to see one another on holidays or at special times. This crucial cementing function may become obvious only when a grandparent dies.
When my mother passed away, I lost my sister and her family as well. Christmas had been a tradition in our house since I was a little girl. Everyone trekked to my parents’ house for their annual party even though going meant putting off our vacation plans for a few days. This Christmas, the first since my mother’s death, I decided to carry on the tradition and have the party myself. But without Mom, my sister decided she didn’t have to come and booked plane reservations to Florida instead.
Here is Hagestad’s summary of the ways grandparents enrich a grandchild’s life:
Grandparents serve-as symbols of connectedness within and between lives,- as people who can listen and have the time to do so,-as reserves of time, help, and attention; as links to the unknown past; as people who are sufficiently varied, flexible, and complex to defy easy categories and clear-cut roles.
Understanding that what grandparents symbolize is as important as what they do, let’s look at Hagestad’s last statement. What are the varied, flexible, and complex styles of being a grandparent?
*74/159/5*

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Other names: Panmycin

YEAST
One of the richest sources of organic iron. It’s known as nature’s wonder food, and it does a lot to deserve its reputation. Yeast is an excellent source of protein and a superior source of the natural B-complex vitamins. It is one of the richest sources of organic iron and a gold mine of minerals, trace minerals, and amino acids. It has been known to help lower cholesterol [when combined with lecithin], help reverse gout, and ease the aches and pains of neuritis. There are various sources of yeast:
Brewer’s yeast [from hops, a by-product of beer], sometimes called nutritional yeast.
Torula yeast grown on wood pulp used in the manufacture of paper. Or from blackstrap molasses.
Whey, a by-product of milk and cheese [best-tasting and most potent].
Liquid yeast from Switzerland and Germany, fed on herbs, honey malt, and oranges or grapefruit.
Avoid live baker’s yeast! Live cells deplete the ’ vitamins in the intestines and rob your body of all vitamins. In nutritional yeast, these live cells are heat-killed, thus preventing that depletion.
Yeast has all the major ’ vitamins [except B12], which can be especially bred into it. It contains sixteen amino acids, fourteen or more minerals, and seventeen vitamins [except for A, E and C]. It can be considered a whole food.
Because yeast, like other protein foods, is high in phosphorus, it is advisable when taking it to add extra calcium to the diet. Phosphorus, though a co-worker of calcium, can take calcium out of the body, leaving a deficiency. The remedy is simple: increase your calcium [calcium lactate assimilates well in the body]. B-complex vitamins should be taken together with yeast to be more effective. Together they work like a powerhouse.
Yeast can be stirred into liquid, juice, or water and taken between meals. Many people who feel fatigued take a tablespoon or more in liquid and feel a return of energy within minutes, and the good effects last for several hours. Yeast can also be used as a reducing food. Stir into liquid and drink just before a meal. It takes the edge off a large appetite and saves you a lot in calories.
*50/134/5*

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RULES ABOUT FAMILY LIFE: PARENTS GIVE TO THEIR CHILDREN AND NOT THE REVERSE
Having to violate this rule causes a family universal pain. What child wants to see his mother or father diminished? What parent wants to feel the humiliation of depending on a child? We also have compelling evidence that the nursing job is more stressful when it is done by a child rather than by a husband or wife. When University of California researchers compared spouse and child caregivers, they found that though husbands and wives were distressed about what was happening, they usually did not feel resentful. In fact, many said their marriages had gotten closer as they were thrust into this difficult situation. But if the caregiver was a child, the reaction was often quite different. The older person’s demands caused conflict, the relationship deteriorated, competing demands from the caregiver’s family added to the pressure, and children emotionally distanced themselves-either by going into therapy or by deciding “I can’t stand it anymore” and turning completely to paid help.
What does the person on the receiving end feel when this change occurs in the natural order of giving? To answer this question, Lucy Rose Fisher of the University of Minnesota compared the feelings of a small group of physically disabled older parents and their caretaking children. The two were upset about different things. The children were quick to label what was happening a “role reversal.” Parents did not mention, or give any sign they were troubled by, the change in roles. They were deeply distressed about being physically dependent, no longer able to “go out on my own.” Their children mourned the mental loss they saw.
It sounds terrible to say, I guess, but I could have handled the fact that Dad was in pain, because you can control pain with medication, better than the fact that he wasn’t himself. He wasn’t the person I remembered him as being – the caring, lovable person he once was. That was harder for me to deal with than knowing he had cancer and was probably going to die soon.
In this study the main emotion the children had was grief, not resentment or annoyance about shouldering what was often a twenty-four-hour job. So the feelings of care-giving children actually vary greatly. Although caring for an ill parent is almost always upsetting, children differ dramatically in how put-upon they feel. Surprisingly, when the burden seems intolerable, the job itself tends not to be the main cause.
Kuypers and Bengston suggest that children are most likely to feel overwhelmed and resentful when they look to the future and see no end in sight. It is the thought of forever that tends to transform caring for a parent from a labor of love (or a duty willingly accepted) into a crushing burden.
In studying families coping with dementia, psychologist Steve Zarit of Penn State University finds that caregivers tend to feel most stressed when they are simultaneously squeezed by other unexpected demands: a sick husband, an adult child still in the house. And his research shows that people feel most overwhelmed when they feel their family and friends are unsupportive. If everyone else says “put Mom in a nursing home,” or if brothers and sisters seem to be shirking their responsibility, then parent care seems exhausting and unbearable. In other words, a burden that falls unfairly feels heaviest.
The job itself is not irrelevant. Does your mother have Alzheimer’s disease? Is she physically or verbally abusive, incontinent, prone to wake up and wander during the night? Care-giving children find coping with this illness and its difficult symptoms particularly hard. And the past looms large. A lifelong loving parent/child relationship seems to provide a reserve of good feeling that greatly lightens the stress.
*69/159/5*

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GETTING THE MOST VITAMINS FROM YOUR FOOD
Eating the right foods doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re getting the vitamins they contain. Food processing, storing, and cooking can easily undermine the best nutritious intentions. To get the most from what you eat [not to mention what you spend] keep the following tips in mind:
Wash but don’t soak fresh vegetables if you hope to benefit from the ’ vitamins and Ў they contain.
Forgo convenience and make your salads when you’re ready to eat them. Fruits and vegetables cut up and left to stand lose vitamins.
If you don’t plan to eat your fresh fruit or vegetables for a few days, you’re better off buying fresh-frozen ones. The vitamin content of good frozen green beans will be higher than those fresh ones you’ve kept in your refrigerator for a week.
Don’t thaw your frozen vegetables before cooking.
There are more vitamins in converted and parboiled rice than in polished rice, and brown rice is more nutritious than white.
Frozen foods that you can boil in their bags, offer more vitamins than the ordinary kind, and all frozen foods are preferable to canned ones.
Cooking in copper pots can destroy vitamin C, folic acid, and vitamin E.
Aluminium, stainless steel, glass and enamel are the best utensils for retaining nutrients while cooking. Iron pots can give you the benefit of that mineral, but they will shortchange you on vitamin C.
The shortest cooking time and the smallest amount of water are the least destructive to nutrients.
Milk in glass containers can lose riboflavin, as well as vitamins A and D, unless kept out of the light. Breads exposed to light can also lose these nutrients.
Well-browned, crusty, or toasted baked goods have less thiamine than others.
Bake and boil potatoes in their skins to get the most vitamins from them.
Use cooking water from vegetables to make soups, juices from meats for gravies, and syrups from canned fruits to make desserts.
Refrain from using any baking soda when cooking vegetables if you want to benefit from their thiamine and vitamin C.
Store vegetables and fruits in the refrigerator as soon as you bring them home from the market.
*54/134/5*

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SPECIAL VITAMIN NEEDS: INFANTS, CHILDREN AND OTHERS
Infants
1-4 One good-tasting chewable multiple vitamin daily [check label to see that all the primary vitamins are included]; there should be no artificial colour, flavours, or sugar [sucrose] added.
Children
4-12 Growing children need a strong multiple vitamin containing minerals, especially calcium and iron, for normal growth. The tablet should also be high in ’ complex and vitamin Ў [50 percent of American children do not even get the RDA for vitamin C]. One daily is sufficient [check label to be sure there is no artificial colour, flavour, or sugar [sucrose] added.
Pregnant Women
The right vitamins are essential at this time:
A good high-potency multiple vitamin and mineral rich in vitamins A, B6, B12, C, and folic acid. Multiple chelated minerals, rich in calcium [2 tablets should equal
1,000 mg. calcium and 500 mg. magnesium] 1 of each twice daily Also, folic acid, 800 mg. 3 times a day
Nursing Mothers
The same supplements recommended for pregnant women plus additional vitamins A, B6, B12, and C. Your body and your baby need the best nourishment you can give them.
Runners
During the first fifteen to twenty minutes of running you burn up almost only glucose. The body then comes in with fats [lipids] for energy [in utilizing lipids for energy, a compound called acetyl-coenzyme-A is formed]. If there are only animal fats present, the compound forms slowly and energy is insufficient. If polyunsaturates are present, on the other hand, the compound forms quickly. Increase your intake of polyunsaturates – seeds, peanuts – and antioxidants, such as vitamin ђ, Ў, •, and selenium, to avoid free radical reactions.
A good supplement programme would be:
Multiple vitamins with chelated minerals
Vitamin Ў complex, 1,000 mg.
Stress ’ complex
1 of each 2-3 times a day
Also, vitamin E, 400 IU a.m. and p.m. and 1 multiple chelated mineral tablet daily.
Joggers
The nutritional needs of joggers are the same as those for runners. Just remember: for highest energy keep polyunsaturates in mind.
*69/134/5*

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PROTEIN: TYPES, MYTHS AND SUPPLEMENTS

Types of protein
All proteins are not the same, though they’re manufactured from the same twenty amino acids. They have different functions and work in different areas of the body.
There are basically two types of protein-complete protein and incomplete protein.
Complete protein provides the proper balance of eight necessary amino acids that build tissues, and is found in foods of animal origin such as meats, poultry, seafood, eggs, milk, and cheese.
Incomplete protein lacks certain essential amino acids, and is not used efficiently when eaten alone. However, when it is combined with small amounts of animal-source protein, it becomes complete. It is found in seeds, nuts, peas, grains, and beans.
Mixing complete and incomplete proteins can give you better nutrition than either one alone. A good rice and beans dish with some cheese can be just as nourishing, less expensive, and lower in fat than a steak.
Protein Myths
A lot of people seem to think that protein is nonfattening. This misconception has frustrated many a determined dieter who forgoes bread but eats healthy portions of steak and wonders where the weight is coming from. The fact is
1 g. protein = 4 calories
1 g. carbohydrate = 4 calories
1 g. fat = 9 calories
In other words, protein and carbohydrate have the same gram-for-gram calorie count.
It is also thought that protein can burn up fat. This is another erroneous assumption that leaves dieters staring incomprehensibly at their scales. It just is not true that the more protein you eat the thinner you’ll get. And, believe it or not, a slice of cheese pizza will give you more protein than two eggs or four slices of bacon or even a whole cup of milk. [Of course, if the taco or pizzas are made with all sorts of additives, you're better off taking a cut in protein and sticking with the eggs.]
Protein Supplements
For anyone who isn’t able to get his or her daily protein supplement from whole food, protein supplements are helpful. The best formulas are derived from soybeans, which contain all the essential amino acids. They come in liquid and powdered form, are available without carbohydrates or fats, and generally supply about 26 g. of protein an ounce [two tablespoons]. That would be about the same amount of protein you get from a three-ounce T-bone.
Supplements can easily be added to beverages and foods. Texturised vegetable protein can be added to ground beef to extend and enhance hamburgers, which will be more economical and better for you because of the cut in saturated fat.
*59/134/5*

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SPECIAL VITAMIN NEEDS: SALESPEOPLE, ACTORS AND SINGERS
Salespeople
The daily grind of having to deal with the public cannot be underestimated. Whether you’re selling automobiles, books, exercise machines, or food, doing it on the road or from behind a counter, the emotional and physical stress on your body is great. And because appearances are often as important as products in your line of work, you’d be wise to pack the right supplements along with your samples. You’ll be happily surprised with the results.
nsp
Stress ’ complex 3 times daily [with each meal]
Vitamin E, 400 IU a.m. and p.m.
Actors
There’s not an actor or actress, who doesn’t need a B-vitamin supplement. The stress and tension of performance is an occupational hazard. And if you’re like most theatrical performers, dieting is the only form of eating you know, too often denying you necessary vitamins. The following supplements would be helpful:
nsp
Stress ’ complex a.m. and p.m.
Vitamin E, 400 IU twice daily
Singers
Like actors, singers are also under high levels of stress, whether performing or rehearsing. If you worry about laryngitis, or other throat infections, it’s advisable to keep your vitamin-C levels high at all times. Time-release vitamin Ў is your best choice.
nsp
Additional vitamin C, 1,000 mg. a.m. and p.m. when necessary.
*73/134/5*

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AGING AND GENERATIONS
My family is in California. I love them dearly, but I would rather live here in Chicago. Jack has a heart condition. I have to spend time taking care of him. At age sixty-six I thought I would be free to focus on my number one priority at this time of life – the two of us. If I lived in California, I would never stop running. I would get nervous, resentful, and tired. Everyone would expect all of me full time.
Last year my mother died. My father is in a nursing home. I call his floor every other day to check up. If I lived near Four Oaks I would visit often, crying each time I drove off. It’s less painful to imagine him as he was, not have what he has become rubbed in my face – a diminished person, no longer the strong man I adored. My sister Carol, who lives in Beverly Hills, is resentful. She accuses me of dumping the burden of his care on her. Not fair! I am mentally just as involved even if I’m not physically there.
And I’d rather not regularly witness what my forty-year-old unmarried daughter’s life must be like. If Karen is as lonely as I fear, I would be too upset. As it is, our long-distance calls don’t go smoothly. I can’t help asking the off-limits question in the back of my mind: “Are you going out with any men?”
Even Joey and Mark, my daughter fane’s twin boys, are not worth moving for. My exuberant grandchildren are the joy of my life. I take out their pictures, remember the cute things they say, and ache to hug them. But what would it be like to be an on-call unpaid baby-sitter! The temptation to criticize the loose way fane is raising them would be over-whelming, even though the smallest comment makes my daughter see red.
But I must stay half a continent away because of Jack. If I was always running to my family, he would be enraged. We planned on this time of life for each other. We were bitterly wrong. When does the job of family caretaker end?
Though we might think this woman has many blessings, the unexpected quality of the woes she is also facing deserves our sympathy. Within this century, changed demographics have caused a revolution in family life.
In 1900 most people did not survive past their fifties. If both sets of parents were alive to dance at their wedding, a bride and groom felt blessed. Today it is unusual not to see grandparents at a wedding, and even great-grandparents may be there. Four-generation families are common; five generations are no longer rare.
In the past, children and parents were grown-ups together for a short time. Being a grandparent meant delighting in toddlers, if you were lucky enough to see the third generation born. Now we expect to live to see how our offspring turn out and more. In 1900 people in their forties had only a 10 percent chance of having two living parents. In 1980, 40 percent of Americans in their late fifties were still calling someone Mom or Dad. And many of us will live to witness the sixty-fifth birthdays of “our babies.” In the 1980 census, 10 percent of people over sixty-five had a child who was also over sixty-five.
Sociologists use the phrase “acceleration of the generational wheels” to describe this change, the chance to know distant generations and be adults together for decades that may be the best gift our new longevity confers. But doing this also means being a pioneer. New roles must be acted out: how to behave as a mother to a “senior citizen” daughter; how to be Grandma to a middle-aged corporation head.
In negotiating these uncharted generational waters, we can get guidance from what others are doing. Are these new relationships working out? How are today’s aging parents and adult children getting along?
*62/159/5*

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MEASURING VITAMINS AND MINERALS: HOW DOES THAT MEASURE UP?
The terminology for measuring vitamin activity is not as confusing as you might think. Fat-soluble vitamins [A, E, D, and K] are usually measures in International Units [IU]. Recently, though, an expert committee of the Food and Agriculture Organization/World Health Organization [FAO/WHO] decided to change this order of measurement for vitamin A. Instead of using International Units, they proposed that vitamin A be evaluated in terms of retinol equivalents [RE], that is, the equivalent weight of retinol [vitamin A1, alcohol] actually absorbed and converted.
Retinol equivalents come out to about five times less than International Units [IU]. Recommended allowances of 5,000 IU for a male between the ages of twenty-three and fifty would only be 1,000 RE; 4,000 IU for similarly aged females would only be 800 RE.
Most other vitamins and minerals are measured in milligrams [mg.] and micrograms [mcg.]. If you know that 1 g. equals .035 ounce, that it takes 28.35 g. to equal 1 ounce [and 1 fluid ounce equals 2 tablespoons], you’ll have a better idea of just how much – or rather, how little – it takes for vitamins and minerals to do their job.
What’s What in Weights and Measures
Metric Measure
1 kilogram equals 1,000 grams
1 gram equals 1,000 milligrams
1 milligram equals 1 /1,000th part of a gram
1 microgram equals 1/1,000th part of a milligram
1 gamma equals 1 microgram
Avoirdupois Weight
16 ounces equal 1 pound 7,000 grains equal 1 pound 453.6 grams equal 1 pound 1 ounce av. equals 437.5 grains 1 ounce av. equals 28.35 grams
Conversion Factors
1 gram equals 15.4 grains
1 grain equals 0.065 grams [65 milligrams]
1 ounce apothecary equals 31.1 grams
1 fluid ounce equals 29.8 cc.
1 fluid ounce equals 480 minims
Liquid Measure
1 drop equals 1 minim 1 minim equals 0.06 cc. 15 minims equal 1.0 cc. 4 cc. equals 1 fluid dram 30 cc. equals 1 fluid ounce
Household Measure
1 teaspoon equals 4 cc. equals 1 fluid dram 1 tablespoon equals 15 cc. equals 1/2 fluid ounce
1/2 pint equals 240 cc. equals 8 fluid ounces
Abbreviations
AMDR Adult Minimum Daily Requirement
USP Unit United States Pharmacopeia
BPC British Pharmacopeia
IU International Unit
MDR Minimum Daily Requirement
mg. milligram
mcg. microgram
g. gram
gr. Grain
*56/134/5*

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WHY CARBOHYDRATES ARE NECESSARY
Carbohydrates, the scourge of misinformed dieters, are the main suppliers of our body’s energy. During digestion, starches and sugars, the principal kinds of carbohydrates, are broken down into glucose, better known as blood sugar. This blood sugar provides the essential energy for our brain and central nervous system. You need carbohydrates in your daily diet so that vital tissue-building protein is not wasted for energy when it might be needed for repair.
They have the same calories as protein. If you eat too many carbohydrates, more than can be converted into glucose or glycogen [which is stored in liver and muscles], the result, as we know all too well, is fat. When the body needs more fuel, the fat is converted back to glucose and you lose weight.
Don’t be too down on carbohydrates. They’re as important for good health as other nutrients Ђ” and gram for gram they have the same 4 calories as protein. Though no official requirement exists, a minimum of 50 g. daily is recommended to avoid ketosis, an acid condition of the blood that can happen when your own fat is used primarily for energy.
*61/134/5*

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VITAMINS AND MINERALS: READING LABELS
Breaking the RDA Code
Many people are bewildered by the variances between vitamin standards listed as RDA, U.S. RDA, and MDR. It becomes much less confusing when you understand that they are not the same thing.
RDA [Recommended Daily Dietary Allowances] came into being in 1941, when the Food and Nutrition Board of the National Research Council of the Academy of Sciences of the United States was established by the government to safeguard public health. The RDA are not formulated to cover the needs of those who are ill – they are not therapeutic and are meant strictly for healthy individuals – nor do they take into account nutrient losses that occur during processing and preparation. They are estimates of nutritional needs necessary to ensure satisfactory growth of children and the prevention of nutrient depletion in adults. They are not meant to be optimum intakes, nor are they recommendations for an ideal diet. They are not average requirements but recommendations intended to meet the needs of those healthy people with the highest requirements.
U.S.- RDA [U.S. Recommended Daily Allowances] were formulated by the Food and Drug Administration [GDA] to be used as the legal standards for food labeling in regard to nutrient content. [The RDA were used as the basis for the U.S. RDA.] Calories and ten nutrients must be listed on food labels – protein, carbohydrate, fat, vitamin A, vitamin C, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, calcium, and iron. Because the U.S. RDA are based on the highest values of the RDA, the former is frequently higher than the basic needs of most healthy people, though very few individuals today fall into that hypothetical category. Individuals vary by wide margins, and stress and illness, past and present, affect everyone differently. As far as I am concerned [and many other leading nutritionists], the RDA and U.S. RDA are woefully inadequate.
MDR [Minimum Daily Requirements] were the first set of standards established by the FDA and have been revised and replaced by the U.S. RDA.
What to Look For
As noted, when buying minerals, look for chelated on the label. Only 10 percent of ordinary minerals will be assimilated by the body, but when combined with amino acids in chelation, the assimilation is three to five times more efficient.
Hydrolyzed means water dispersible. Hydrolyzed protein-chelate means the supplement is in its most easily assimilated form.
Predigested protein is protein that has already been broken down and can go straight to the bloodstream.
Cold pressed is important to look for when buying oil or oil capsules. It means vitamins haven’t been destroyed by heat, and that the oil, extracted by cold-pressed methods, remains polyunsaturated.
*57/134/5*

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VITAMINS AND SUPPLEMENTS: CRAVINGS – WHAT THEY MIGHT MEAN
Cravings, which can sometimes mean allergies, are more often nature’s way of letting you know that you’re not getting enough of certain vitamins or minerals. Frequently these specific hungers develop because overall diet is inadequate. Some of the most common cravings are:
Peanut Butter This is definitely among the top ten, and it’s not at all surprising. Peanut butter is a rich source of ’ vitamins. If you find yourself dipping into the jar often, it might be because you’re under stress and your ordinary ’ intake has become insufficient. Since 50 g. of peanut butter – a third of a cup – is 284 calories, you’ll find it easier on your waistline to take a B-complex supplement if you do not want to gain weight.
Bananas When you catch yourself reaching for this fruit again and again, it could be because your body needs potassium. One medium banana has 555 mg. People taking diuretics or cortisone [which rob the body of needed potassium] often crave bananas.
Cheese If you’re more a cheese luster than a cheese lover, there’s a good chance that your real hunger is for calcium and phosphorus. [If it's processed cheese that you've been snacking on, you've been getting aluminium, too, without knowing it.] For one thing, you might try eating more broccoli. That’s high in calcium and phosphorus, and a lot lower in calories than cheese.
Apples An apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away, but it offers a lot of good things that you might be missing in other foods – calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium – and is an excellent source of cholesterol-lowering pectin! If you have a tendency to eat a lot of saturated fat, it could account for your apple cravings.
Butter Most often vegetarians crave butter because of their own low-saturated-fat intake. Salted butter, on the other hand, might be craved for the salt alone.
Cola The craving for cola is most often a sugar hunger and an addiction to caffeine. The beverage has no nutritive value.
Nuts If you’re a little nutty about nuts, you probably could use more protein, ’ vitamins, or fat in your diet. If it’s salted nuts you favour you could be craving the sodium and not the nuts. You’ll find that people under stress tend to eat more nuts than relaxed individuals.
Ice Cream High as ice cream is in calcium, most people crave it for its sugar content. Hypoglycemics and diabetics have great hungers for it, as do people seeking to recapture the security of childhood.
Pickles If you’re pregnant and want pickles, you’re probably after the salt. And if you’re not pregnant and crave pickles, the reason is most likely the same. [Pickles also contain a substantial amount of potassium.]
Bacon Cravings for bacon are usually because of its fat. People on restricted diets are most susceptible to greasy binges. Unfortunately, saturated fat is not bacon’s only drawback. Bacon is very high in carcinogenic nitrates. If you do indulge in bacon, be sure you’re ingesting enough vitamin Ў and A, D and E to counteract the nitrites.
Eggs Aside from the protein [two eggs give you 13 g.], sulphur, amino acids, and selenium protein, egg lovers might also be seeking the yolk’s fat content or, paradoxically, its cholesterol-and fat-dissolving choline.
*52/134/5*

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Other names: Eryc, Ilosone, P.c.e.

AGING AND GENERATIONS: CARING FOR AGED PEOPLE
According to Elaine Brody, an expert on family care, we tend to miss the fact that conditions are so different. Equating then to now, children who have disabled elderly parents often feel chronically guilty about not doing everything,- they feel like moral failures when they have to send their mothers or fathers to a nursing home. But, nursing-home placement may be a rational choice based on love, not an abandonment. Sometimes a nursing home can offer far better care than the most devoted attention any family could provide on its own.
Care-giving children also reproach themselves for not giving everything with a free heart, not realizing that caring for elderly parents has always been a job done as much out of obligation as from pure love.
In a thought-provoking 1985 article, psychologist William Jarrett argued that the idea that caring for aged parents should be a labor of love is a modern one. Caring for parents in their old age always evoked mixed feelings, but like many things in life, it was a duty people shouldered without wondering over much about how they felt. However, in this era of liberation we have been conditioned to look askance at duty. (“We are not being true to ourselves if we do things we do not really want to do.”) So we tell ourselves we should feel affectionate and rarely be resentful about the obligation of parent care. This pressure to feel in an emotionally “correct” way compounds the strain that today’s care-giving children face. They torture themselves about not loving as much as they should, because in confusing duty with desire, they hold themselves to an emotional standard past generations never had to meet.
The idea that we care less is reinforced by another change in externals. Today parents and adult children are less likely to live in the same house than they were even a generation ago. In Shanas’s 1957 survey, more than a third of the parents lived with their children. By 1975 the number had dropped dramatically, to only 18 percent.
However, it is the parents-more than the children-who want it that way. In the past, extended families lived together in large part because they could not afford to live separately. Today, mainly because the older generation is better off financially, there is less economic necessity. Older people are usually averse to the idea of moving in with a child.
*63/159/5*

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AGING: STUDIES ON FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
A 1984 Canadian study shows that our ethnic background affects our willingness to share a household with our children. When researchers used census data to compare the living arrangements of older widowed women of Italian and Jewish descent, they found that, even controlling for income and number of offspring, the Italian women were much more likely to be living with a child than the Jewish widows.
Although cultural background does make some difference, all things being equal, most people would probably still vote no to moving in. Our home is our castle, the place where we rule as independent adults. Who would freely relinquish his own rule to be-as is usually true of the older generation-a guest under someone else’s roof? Also, living with a child smacks too much of being a burden. Many older people even prefer going to a nursing home to ‘ ‘intruding” on a daughter or son. But is it true that parents and children who live together pay an emotional price?
A study of Chicago families done about a decade ago by researchers at the University of Chicago implies they may. The psychologists interviewed three generations separately- a young adult grandchild, a middle-aged father and mother, and one aged grandparent. They found that the small number of families who shared households were indeed emotionally worse off. Young married daughters living with middle-aged mothers in particular were rated more unhappy and immature. Although we do not know which is the chicken and which the egg-the families who lived together may have chosen to do so because they were already having more trouble handling life-this research shows that the risk of emotional problems may indeed be higher if the generations live under one roof.
Living together compounds the difficult transformation parents and their adult children must make-beginning with a lopsided relationship, ending with one that must be relatively equal to work well. We begin as dependent baby and all-powerful adult. We must completely change how we feel and act to get along as two equally competent human beings. We do have twenty years to accomplish this transformation. But we must fight inertia, the human tendency for patterns of relating to stay the same. So we often stay stuck as child and parent, fighting to be seen as different, carrying around feelings we had about each other from year one.
Family conflict is also more likely because parents and children are now encouraged to be “honest” with one another. Honest or open comments often are a code word for criticizing, saying something the other person should know but won’t like. Although sometimes the older generation bears the brunt of a child’s honesty, the impulse to correct usually flows the other way, causing the ageless complaint of grownup children: ”My parents treat me like a baby. They don’t understand I’m an adult.”
The study of the Chicago families lends scientific weight to this common complaint. Children resent their parents’ advice giving because, no matter how old a child is, it continues to be the older generation who gives most of the advice.
*64/159/5*

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STYLES OF GRANDPARENTING
Grandparents share a clear idea of what they are supposed to be like, if only to distinguish it from how they really behave.
When University of California sociologist Colleen Johnson asked middle-class, middle-aged grandmothers to describe the grandmother stereotype, she got the same answer: a frail lady who knits booties by the hearth. Most women rejected this Currier and Ives portrait as having nothing to do with them. Many said they felt more like a “pal” to their grandchildren. Sharing experiences was important. Visits to McDonald’s or even the disco supplanted grandmotherly goodies from the oven.
Today the grandmother stereotype is genuinely outmoded- more likely to fit great – or even great-great-grandmothers. In an age when most people become grandparents in their vigorous early fifties, the elderly lady by the fire has been replaced by a figure much less wooden and removed-a person who has the energy and motivation to be centrally involved with her grandchildren for decades in an unprecedented way.
Actually, far from every grandparent is close and involved. People choose to interpret one of life’s most undefined roles in a variety of ways. In a classic quarter-century-old study, researchers found these distinct grandparenting styles.
The formal grandparent. This person saw the grandchildren regularly, but at defined times such as the first Sunday of each month. The relationship was formal, one of grandparent and grandchild, not friends. Activities were traditional-bringing presents, going to the circus.
The surrogate parent. This person was extremely involved, sharing child rearing with the parent. Surrogate parents babysat daily or visited for hours at least several times a week. Often they lived in a grandchild’s house.
The distant figure. This type of grandparent was the opposite of the surrogate parent-very uninvolved, seeing the grandchildren briefly and infrequently.
A person’s age affected grandparenting style. Older grandparents, those over sixty-five, were most likely to be formal grandparents or distant figures. Younger grandparents were more likely to be “pals” or heavily involved.
More recent research agrees that age is one factor that determines a person’s grandparenting style. When sociologists Andrew Cherlin and Frank Furstenberg studied 510 grandparents with teenage grandchildren, they found that younger grandparents were indeed more likely to be very involved.
Older grandparents tended to be more removed, probably because younger grandparents are more apt to be “younger in thinking” and also in better health. They have the energy to be close.
About half of this national sample of grandparents was very involved-seeing a grandchild frequently, sometimes serving as a confidant. This is particularly encouraging because these were grandparents of adolescents; and just as parenthood follows the principle of waning involvement, grandparenthood often does too.
I was so disappointed in the last visit I had with my grandson. I wanted to stay and talk, but he was just interested in getting out to a baseball game. I remember how his eyes used to light up when he was two and I would arrive. I know the older he gets the more he has to have his own life – It’s almost like I’m going through the empty nest again.
However, Cherlin and Furstenberg also found that the categories “close” or “uninvolved” grandparent don’t universally apply. A grandparent’s closeness often differed tremendously from grandchild to grandchild. Grandparents have favorites, the grandchildren they feel temperamentally closest to. Closeness also depends on physical proximity. It is natural to be more involved with a grandchild living around the block than one a six-hour plane ride away. And no matter how involved grandparents want to be, their closeness depends on another factor-the wishes of the generation in between.
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