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WHEN FIRST DIAGNOSED: UNDERSTANDING AND COMMUNICATING ABOUT
HIV-REACTING TO THE DIAGNOSIS: STRATEGIES FOR HANDLING THE FEELINGS
Different strategies for handling the feelings work for different people. In general, people try to fit the infection into their lives, to see what the infection does mean and what it does not mean.
Because people are so different, their strategies for coping are differentЂ”in fact, sometimes completely opposite. Any strategy that allows you to accept the diagnosis and stay emotionally intact is a good one. Use whatever strategies have worked on other problems. Use whatever strategies your needs and personality seem to dictate.
Some people talk about it: “When I got the diagnosis of AIDS,” said Steven, “I called my cousin and she flew in. Then I talked to my parents. My father was hysterical, my mother was in shock. For a while, we were all moderately hysterical together.” By sharing news of the diagnosis, people surround themselves with the warmth and comfort of those who care about them. In these surroundings, they find it easier to let the fact of the diagnosis sink in, and easier also then to put that fact into perspective. Other people want to handle it alone. Lisa used to sit for hours with her head between her knees, giving herself time, she said, to “just feel what I felt” before she had to put a public face on her feelings. The “roadblocks” Alan said he put up between himself and other people gave him time to deal with his own reactions to the diagnosis before taking on anyone else’s. If you want the sense of companionship that talking will bring you, talk. If you want time to sort out your feelings alone, don’t talk. If you want both, have both.
Some people read books on HIV infection and talk to doctors, to educate themselves about every aspect of the infection. This gives them a sense of knowing what they are up against, a sense of control over what affects them. Others accept information about the infection bit by bit, as they are ready for it. They want to keep their defenses intact and not feel overwhelmed by the diagnosis.
HIV Some people, like Steven, talk individually to people with HIV infection: “I talked to someone who had AIDS and asked him a lot of questions,” Steven said. “It was hard to do, but it seemed necessary.” Some look up those affected by HIV infection, not to talk about the infection, but simply to socialize: go to the theater, to sports events, out to eat. Many join support groups for people with HIV infection. In support groups, they lose their sense of isolation. They see others handling what seems overwhelming. They hear of new strategies for dealing with the diagnosis and decide what would work for them and what wouldn’t.
Many talk to mental health professionalsЂ”psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, and therapists of all kindsЂ”who help people with HIV infection. Mental health professionals help people understand that their reactions are normal. The professionals often offer advice and alternate strategies, and they can be told anything.
Some people turn to their religions: Lisa Pratt said her husband became more spiritual, and that she herself was learning “to trust, not my feelings, but God’s promise that I’ll find peace in the midst of this.” Religion gives people a context in which the diagnosis seems less threatening.
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